Power Play - For Caregivers - "Please Just Sleep"

I remember saying this prayer, "Lord, please, please if anything you'll ever give me just let her go to sleep."  Sound familiar?  It is not a new problem and has been the topic of discussion in books, magazines, doctors' offices, sleep labs, and social groups.  I hope to bring a new approach to the topic of 'toddler sleep' with this blog and others to follow.  A short and simple approach actually.  That's just it; my new approach; short and simple.

What do kids need to go to sleep?  Basic question.  Basic answer?  Routine.  Because their sweet, little brain cannot understand the complexities of life, they live in the physical world that they can understand.  This is why they have to lick the toy, slap the cereal bowl, eat their boogers, pick up the expensive glass thing in the store and why we do things like slap their hand to teach them something is dangerous and off limits.  Kids live through physical experience.  Sleep is no different.  They do not know that the number on the clock means they need to close their eyes or else they will be difficult and cranky tomorrow when you have cupcakes to bake and an early meeting in the morning. 
Kids need to feel sleep.  They need to experience a certain set of routines that transitions their body into a calm state prepared for rest. But what does that look like?  That is going to be different for each family.  I've come up with a small list that I think are "must haves" at bedtime.  I have also added several articles for further reading at the end of this post.  I'd love to know what you think.

1. Hands and faces washed.  This is the very least you can do for your child and is a great segue into the bedtime routine.  Would you eat dinner, go outside, ride in the cab, play with the dog, take out the trash and then jump into bed?  Take some time to soap them up with a very clear, "It is time to start getting ready for bed."  Be direct.  This washing up separates the rest of the day from the night that is coming.

2.  Brush teeth.  Basic I know but so important.  And hey, if it is one more thing they learn to do early on and can continue into adult hood then it is a two-for-one deal.  (Side note to this one: do not send them to bed with any drink beside water and no food.  More information on this here, SeattleMamaDoc)

3. Jammies.  No they do not have to be a matching set of GAP pajamas.  They do however need to be separate from the rest of the wardrobe.  Again, this is a signal of sleep.  If they are wearing their current clothes or putting on what they will play in tomorrow then how do they know that they are supposed to sleep in them tonight?  Sure, they can wear a hand-me-down shirt and shorts but they must be something only worn at bedtime.  Changing clothes is saying, "the day's job is done.  Now we prepare for the night's job." 

4. A place to sleep.  My friend in elementary school was very poor.  Her bed was the family couch.  Unless her brother was gone then she could sleep in his room.  Unless he came home and put her in the chair.  Unless her mom let her sleep with them.  You get the idea.  She was tired.  Your child may not have a traditional bed but it needs to be their own.  Ideally this will be a quieter place separated from the rush of the household.  Remember they are experiencing the world physically.  A different bed, room, or sometimes house is a big physical change that brings it's own new set of fears, feelings, and emotions.  That is not what we want at a time designated for rest.  This often crops up when parents have a busy schedule and a baby who sleeps anywhere.  Once that baby is cognizant of their surroundings they don't sleep.  Just try to remember that they "feel" their surrounding and cannot logically deduce that this is a safe place to sleep just because mommy put them there.  Designate one sleep place full of comfort objects.  Take the time to study what that is for your child. 

5.  Quiet time.  This one is my favorite.  It may bring the most physical change to your child's world.  The TV is turned off.  The dog is put out.  The lights are off or dimmed.  I often start this when bedtime routine starts.  Dog goes out is my first one.  My dog thinks she is my third child and wants to be underfoot the entire time we are interacting with the kids.  This makes brushing teeth sound like, "Put your toothpaste on your brush...Dog move...good...Dog!...OK, sister now...ugh Dog, MOVE...that's right and...DOG!"  Confusing turmoil not conducive to rest. Your turmoil may be the older kids wrestling, Dad watching the game with his buddies, Mom arguing with an overseas account...it is all the same.  It all signifies that life is still going on and sleep is not on any one's menu.
That is what rest is not.  What rest IS will look different to each family.  Here are some ideas.  Prayer time: have your child pick 1 thing they worry over, 2 people they love, and 3 things they are thankful for.  Reading books.  Singing quiet songs: I have a CD called "Bedtime with the Beatles" so don't be afraid to think outside the box.  Telling make-believe stories.  Look through photo albums: they love ones about themselves. Play quiet music: I have a friend that began strumming his acoustic when his were babies and it is still a favorite way to calm them. 

This wasn't one of my planned "must haves" but I think it is an important one and I'll close with it.  Yes, their is that time after the fair they fell asleep and you slipped them into bed or the weekends they spend at Dad's but make bedtime a priority.  If you don't then why should they? 

 ABC News talks about "screen" time before bed

Breakdown of basic child development time table

As a fun project I looked up what Dr. Ari Brown, author of Baby 411 &Toddler 411, says about toddler sleep.  Number one on her list; Routine!  See, I knew I was right.  Toddler 411 is an excellent reference book available on amazon.com

*check back later for another blog about clearing away sleep time distractions.*

Note To Self

I rarely check my email's junk box.  If mopping the floor is my least favorite chore, then checking the junk box is second to last.  However!  I have finally found a reason to check my junk mail, and I think it is something that will benefit you too.
MY BIRTHDAY! Or your birthday, rather, is the time to check your unwanted mail.  Many stores and major retailers will send free stuff or great deals to your inbox in honor of your birthday.  Starbucks and Red Lobster wanted to celebrate with me on my big day.  American Eagle loved me enough to give me a pretty nice discount for the month. Petco and Office Depot also wanted a part of the discount action.
Sure, I had 356 unread emails in my folder but it only took about 20 minutes to clear them out and print out all my birthday freebies. 
Try putting a reminder in your calendar for next year to check the junk mail box on the first week of your birthday month so you don't miss out!  Then when you're sipping your free Starbucks whisper me a little "thanks" and I'll send you a "you're welcome."

I love boxes, bags, 'n baskets - quick storage idea

The hubby and I have gone out of the way to ensure we have a playroom in our house. This is because our children are spoiled from every angle. With each holiday that clicks by we amass more "long" toys. What I mean by that is toys that don't seem to fit any where else because of  their length. Swords, lace umbrellas, dart guns, more swords, butterfly nets, and princess wands. This also includes those really long-light up-spinning-scepter toys that Aunts buy at the circus.  So, what did we do to get all these pieces wrangled up?  Enter laundry hamper.  The length makes it a perfect fit. We chose one that opens wide so it cannot be easily overturned and the cloth can be removed to be washed if needed. Another advantage of the metal frame of our basket is being able to hang "stuff" from it.  In the picture is a net pocket (stolen from my umbrella stroller) that we now use to store our ammunition. Bear in mind a lid may polish the look up a bit it will also limit the length of the objects stored. Major retailers nation-wide are currently filled with laundry hampers because of students heading off to college.  So, what are you waiting for?  Next time a major battle between pirates and fairies takes place clean up will be a breeze and peace will reign once again.

It is my favorite day of the year!

To quote a friend of mine about the first day of school, "It is my favorite day of the year!"

Whether it is a joyful day of reclaiming your quiet or a tearful day of letting go their is one thing we all have in common. 
The teacher-parent relationship is vital to a happy school year for every student.  I've counseled with many parents in tears with frustration over a bad relationship with their student's teacher.  It should never come to this point.  Here are some ideas that will help as we send our students off this year.   {And I trust you all to hold me to my word as I send my first born off to kindergarten - sniff}

If you don't have anything nice to say...  Can you finish it? ...don't say anything at all.  Your children are listening.  When you meet the teacher and have qualms resist the urge to display that.  Even to the younger ones.   Little kids tell big kids or even worse they will blurt out what you've said the next time they see that person.  It is perfectly acceptable to have questions or concern but discuss them with your spouse in private because even if you disagree with the teacher on first blush you still want to show your child how to respect their authority.  Keeping a respectful, working relationship with someone you disagree with is a good life skill after all.  Also, keep in mind what advice you would probably tell your child if they immediately declared not liking a fellow student on the first day.  I imagine it would sound something like, "keep an open mind and try to be nice," "you just met them how can you know if you don't like them," or "try to find something in common."  I suggest giving the teacher some unbiased time to get to know them.  Not every first impression is a good one.

Avoid the gossip.  "She said that Suzi told her that her husband's co-worker..."  The water cooler can color your opinion of others long before you've met them.  Your student may only be in second grade but you are going to spend the entire year hoping they do not get Mr. So&So for third grade because of something you've heard.  Much easier for everyone involved to just avoid those people that insist on spreading tales.

Allow a grace period.  If I rang your door bell and handed you 30+ children along with their parents & grandparents while they all shook your hand and took a picture would you be able to recall each person's name, match them to their child, and give me a brief account of the child's personality traits?  Obviously the answer is no.  See where I'm going with this?  If by day two or three your teacher is still having a hard time remembering you child's name or yours be OK with that. Be polite and shake their hand but allow for reintroductions after things have settled down a bit. **Side note:  This is a soap box speech, but please do not expect your teacher to remember you if they only see you three time in an entire school year.  I guarantee they know your student well even if they don't recognize your face.** 

Make an impression.  Here is probably my favorite tip. Give them money. Well a gift card at least.  Nothing starts of a relationship better than a simple, "You've survived the week Mrs. So&So.  Just wanted to say thank you/Congrats.s/Here's to a good school year/Enjoy." {Insert five dollar Starbucks, Sonic, or other gift card here}  And, wait until Friday when your teacher can actually breathe and remember who thrust this wonderful gift into her hands.

Ultimately it is your child that is harmed or helped by your relationship with the teacher, so stay positive, smile, approach the relationship with grace and do your best to make a friend.  If you do have serious issues with the teacher later in the year they will be much easier to resolve that way.

What to do if you do have serious issues?  That is another blog another day!

{me and my wonderful "first day of school gift" from a supporter circa 2006}

{my "kids" from that year circa 2006}

Power Play - For Caregivers

I cannot think of anyone who has cared for a child that would say they didn't enjoy nap time.  It is the calm in the storm and can often change the climate of unruly children and exasperated parents.
My son was ready to give up on nap time much sooner than I was.  I tried the "quiet time" game where he stays in one bed/room/place and reads books or enjoys a small toy.  It didn't work.  All it did was give a tired and cranky child free room to disobey.  What to do?
Realizing that my child was indeed tired but stubbornly refusing to sleep I made a Power Play.  {A Power Play is in a nut shell when the caregiver out smarts the child while keeping their integrity intact and thus keeping the power.}  I put my son down with a book or small toy.  Told him I would set a timer.  He did not have to sleep.  He had to rest calmly.  I would come get him up when the timer went off if he stayed in a restful position.  I kept my word.  For several days he was only in bed for 30 minutes.  But once he trusted me that I would come get him and that he did not have to sleep guess what?  He started napping.  Instead of focusing on sleeping and the idea of not wanting to his brain and body were able to relax.  What happens to a tired person when they are calm, comfortable, and relaxed? 
My son is now 5 and still naps about three days a week.  This will not be every child but those of you who are struggling should try it.  Let me know how it goes.  Seriously, even if it doesn't work I want to hear from you.  Remember to give it some time and you must play by the rules. 

**Side note: no "screen" time before or during naps.  Computer, TV, video game, cell phone screens have been shown time and time again to disrupt sleep patterns and brain signals of sleep.  Don't let your child watch TV then hand him a video game and expect him to rest. Don't believe me? Check out ABC's News coverage of sleep disorders caused by "screens"**

Why on earth am I subjecting myself to this?

I've only posted my first blog and I'm already frustrated with this process.  So, why am I doing it?  I find that I have a lot to say.  Advice to give.  Insights to cite.  Most of my advice is freely given.  I do not actually know how much of it is wanted or taken to heart but I do know that most people smile and nod and that some even thank me.  For those that thank me, this is your blog.  The plan is to post my snippets of advice on whatever strikes me at the time and see who listens.  I can warn you now that most of what is read on my page will be about child rearing (with a bent toward education,) marriage, and getting back to the basics of life. 
Thank you for coming along beside me as I struggle through getting this up and working.  Thank you for reading, hopefully laughing, and letting me step on your toes with my, at times, overly blunt words.
Enjoy